"Lollypop Man"

[eidde]

Its called a visual clue.
The colour is important, because it is refered to in the dialog. This is why he has Capitalised it.

durrr...........

[belovedmonster]

k

[nalyd14]

Hey i'm not really all for the anti-climax thing cause I really needed your explanation to understand it. Why don't you put the girl in the class room as if he's fantasizing. That would be a little more disturbing.

[deanl]

Hey there.

"I'm a fan of the ending. let the audience think for itself. i like the simplicity of the idea, the set up and then quick pay off. Its both a happy and sad ending. He doesn't get the kid but then you realize that, oh shit, he's a fucking teacher!"

What he said.

"i thought the dialog refereed to the RED LOLLYPOP not the RED CARDIGAN"

It refered to both. It's meaning changes several times. That's what's "clever" about it.

I don't get what's confusing people. Where did the girl go??? She points to her mother across the playground didn't she? Then we do a slow wipe across something. Hear her walk away and the guy sits alone. I instantly assumes she walked over to her mum.

It worked. I "liked" it. But I don't see how it would work as a short film to be honest. It works in that is plays exactly how you want it to. It is creepy. But it seems more like some kind of depressing "perverts are everywhere" TV advert.

I don't know. It could be a nice establishing scene for a character in a longer movie. But in itself I don't see its appeal.

Despin out.

[GREATwarEAGLE]

It does feel like a Public Service Announcement and or exercise more than anything else. And I dont think anyone will be truly shocked that he's actually a teacher. Its only a new idea in the context of this forum, which is usually zombies and bullet-time effects, but in the real world its shock value is decades old, one-dimensional, predictable and manipulative.

...but I'd be willing to read whatever else you got. I bet you're capable of more.

[emjen]

hey its not new, i posted something like that a few weeks ago [img]graemlins/party.gif[/img] . (Ben and his Children)

I thought it was creepy. But can't the guy just be offering lollypops to everyone, because he's the lollypop man? And at that, he's just teaching as well! He's a saint man!

[anasazifilms]

Thanks for all your comments... you've really been helpful! I think I may post some more stuff up soon... I have loads of scripts that I'm working on... I just wanted to write a short one for the SuperShorts competition.

Who needs to pay ?150 for a 'professional' to read over a script when I've got you guys! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Thanks again and Merry Christmas!